carlski ([info]carlski) wrote,
@ 2008-07-16 06:25:00
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DECISIONS, DECISIONS...
*HUGE SIGH*

Sometimes, I hate the feeling that we are growing up. Everyday is like a constant reminder that we are getting old. Not that I mind aging physically. It's just that everything is getting more complex. The older you get, the more responsibilities you have.

Responsibilities. It's my responsibility to give back to my family (even if they are saying that it isn't). It's my responsibility to be a good friend to others. It's my responsibility to be a good citizen. It's my responsibility to do something with my life.

My life. What is happening with my life? Am I fulfilled? Satisfied? Maybe in some aspects, yes. But I know I am lacking. I'm lacking because I know what I want, and I still don't have it. I'm trying to get there. I'm doing it at my own pace. I just don't know if my pace is good enough. Lots of decisions to be made.

Decisions. Major ones. I know I'm gonna make one eventually. Soon. But the sacrifice will also be major. It might even compromise that one satisfied aspect in my life.

I want to be a kid again.


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[info]puckotg22
2008-07-16 02:44 pm UTC (link)
I know how you feel man. Last night it kinda hit me while I was chatting with someone. This guy, who is 20 and in school - super nice guy and pretty cute - well, he has a little crush on me I guess. Anyway - here I am - at like, 10 or 10:30 - getting ready to go to bed on a tuesday night - and he was getting ready to go out with his friends to party.

And I just thought - damn. I'm 30. I have a job. A house. Tons of Bills. Tons of responsibilities. And here he is - in college - no responsibilites really. And he's out having fun during the summer. And I'm in the house getting ready for bed. At 10! It wasn't that long ago that at 10pm I was just getting going really! I mean, when did that happen? When did I grow up? Fuck. I remember that getting to bed before 2am was early. I still have the weekends. But damn - is this how the rest of my life is going to be? Monday - Friday 8am - 5pm and weekends off to live my life?

I have a lot of decision to make myself. I feel like I'm at a cross roads and I'm looking at a lot of options. Finish my degree at Western (I left for a promising job in my industry - my degree program was finished but university requirements weren't which are required to get my degree) or going a whole new direction with another school. Or, a new job even. Maybe even a new city. I feel overwhelmed sometimes. So, I know what you are going through. believe me!

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[info]carlski
2008-07-16 03:24 pm UTC (link)
Hey Josh! Good to know I'm not "alone." :)

I left my job and have been trying to take my sweet time for a while. I'm thinking that my next job should be something that I really want for myself, something that I would really love doing. But that means having to start again from scratch (entry level mostly).

I also have an option to be working overseas. Way bigger pay, but I can't be that picky in choosing what job I want. Also, it would mean leaving the country and my loved ones. But there seems to be no choice. The financial demand of living today is crazy. Just look at the gas prices. Wow.

I'm 26 now and I don't want to reach 30 still having nothing. I need to be independent. But what option should I take? What's killing me the most is that here I am feeling that I found the greatest love of my life...but if I have to be away for a career, then I don't know how it's going to be.

It's a sucky feeling, isn't it?

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